Wishful Thinking

and we will write to you when there is a bed available yes I know it's painful, and six months is a long time to wait, but I am afraid we have already lost two wards this year because of the cuts. Mrs Thatcher keeps taking money away from us to spend on Trident Missiles Yes I wish you would write to your Member of Parliament about it. Hello Sister, is it tea time yet? Sister: Not yet I'm afraid. There's another 14 to see before tea, but the Unit Manager wants a word with you first. He's come to explain the new administrative system to you. Consultant: Well thank God somebody understands it. Send him in will you? 20 minutes later: Unit Manager: so what it comes down to, is that each Consultant is to get three wishes fulfilled throughout his career, but I must stress that the new rules are quite specific on this point, its three wishes and three wishes only during the whole time of your employment by the N.H.S. It seems a very fair and sensible system to me. All Consultants will be treated equally, they will all get exactly what they ask for, and it will save a considerable amount of time in Committees. The wishes may of course be expressed at any time before retirement and will be fulfilled forthwith. You can summon me immediately by bleep, or if that fails just rub this dusty old ophthalmoscope. Consultant: What a superb idea, I'll make my first wish right away please. The Unit Manager smiles graciously. Consultant: (breathlessly) Well first of all I wish for a real tea-break in the middle of the clinic, with salmon and cucumber sandwiches served on a china plate, and chocolate cake, Oh, and a pot of real tea with a jug of fresh milk please, and no more of that powdered horse-pee that came out of that automatic dispenser I had to queue to use yesterday. Oh, and I would like it served by a proper old-fashioned nurse please, you know, a pretty one with a small waist and a silver buckle and a frilly cap and black stockings with, um. ., er.. a seam up the back. Unit Manager: Immediately sir. I don't think this will need to go to Committee. We shall start with the afternoon clinic.